Perhaps the one who disappears will find a closed door when he returns next. Physically, enforced and personally. But that most likely won't matter, at least for some time, probably years. Maybe decades. Until exhausted and spent wanting to return. But by then return to what.

One returned to me. But I had no heart left to receive him by then. It was just somebody old with an anguished mind, taken over by loneliness. How much anger did I have by then? Enough to have to fight any feelings of being payed back when necessarily deciding to cut off the medicines for him to die.

The pursued turned pursuer cannot see these things. Tooo foreign, inscrutable for a mind who's been used to being the center of things, commanding others' emotions.

Those sucker who turned over in trust their hearts and minds to an indifferent one have been in hell, soon to be joined by the trusted one who in the end lost in this game without knowing it perhaps even now.

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly".

Note that's largely a unilateral decision dictated by evolution. We humans got screwed by being able to make choices and determine the course of our personal and collective evolution.

Sh*t, I've screwed myself so bad with choices from the heart. Even though "neurocardiologist have found that 60 to 65% of the cells of the heart are actually neural cells, not muscle cells as was previously believed". I guess mine are improperly wired. They suck. They're trusting.

As the Japanese with their cherry blossoms, so many many things in life are ephemeral. A few are not if cultivated, nursed, nourished by some, but the real way though. With genuine feeling not some momentarily exhilarating passion. Repeated episodes...as many as possible. Hurry, the high that is supposed to cure is evanescent. It disappears too soon. Must do it agai and again...

Life is not necessarily ephemeral...Depending on the life we live now, we could come back as a caterpillar who struggles all its life trying to get out of the cocoon. Or is that what this life is all about for many here and now?

Well, if they so choose...

"I can't stay away. It does not matter what else I should be doing...I can't stay away!!! I must ride over. Even if it is just to a momentarily empty nest. The presence of the pursued is there. Maybe one thinks it is just a place to do what one wants.

Or so one thinks. I CAN'T STAY AWAY!!! Regardless of the importance of paying just some attention and give some warmth to bonds that who rightfully cry for attention. Yet get thrown out the window through indifference, inattention. They....and it is more than one or two. It tends to be all those who love the one who escapes. They  begin to die inside. Will there only be anger left in them when snow white wakes up if she ever does?

Since by then what I offer will have wilted, will there be anybody who cares left? I'll need care but won't have insurance. Wilted? Body & Mind.